Expectation Setting - Kids

Kids take a lot of patience out of you - they are constantly active , constantly seeking something to do, and when they can't find constructive things to do, they become destructive. We as parents are always trying our darnest best to guide them in the best way possible towards the best and most engaging activities. Yet, most of us have a hard time keeping up and let's be honest, sometimes we have to resort to some tactics that our idealistic alter ego would frown upon, like letting watch TV, or use the phone to play a game or watch a video.

There are days I have thought of removing all the TVs from the house to force everyone to find other things to do - but I fear that at the time when my wife and I need peace and quiet the most, where we would have otherwise used TV as our last resort, we would not get it. Also, I know I will definitely miss the TVs and may resort to spending more time in front of my computer, further isolating myself from the family. We have tried limiting the time we allow our kids to watch tv, but it has had limited success in my opinion because it becomes a constant battle between us, the parents, and the kids. They fight for  "2 more minutes" or "1 more episode".

Recently I discovered an approach that has yielded the most positive results thus far - I started giving more control to my older one. But the control comes with a logical conversation about expectations. 

Before he turns on the TV, we talk through and get comfortable with how long he will watch tv for. We both agree on the length of time for which the tv or the phone will stay on - It could be 'until I am done with your joora (top knot) and dastaar (turban)', or '20 minutes from now when the clock reads 6:45'. We talk through our expectations - he expresses his concern if he thinks the time is too little, or if he can finish the show he starts, and we come to an agreement. These agreements depend on the time of day, the activities following the tv/phone watching, how much of a break we (the parents) need, how cranky the kids are... Among other things. Just this simple conversation has turned a once contentious snatching and abuse of the poor remote control into a constructive conversation about getting to an agreement and sticking to that agreement. It also teaches them how to negotiate - not a bad thing in this aggressive world.

Does he still try to look for wiggle room in the pre-negotiated terms of tv-watching - Yes. Do I want him to always push my limits - yes. 

That's the fun of parenting.